The Wall. We all hit it at some point. Nothing in life seems to be moving in the right direction…or any direction at all for that matter. G-d seems silent and distant. You have no idea which way to turn and you feel like you’re floundering, treading water, or maybe about to go under. I have been there – several times. No, I mean I’ve really been there.
As a woman who grew up in a home with parents who were believers, around extended family who were all believers, in church/synagogue every time the doors were open, with a strong mom who was constantly speaking Biblical truths to us. “Train up a child…” and even then they will experience the pull of the enemy, the testing of their faith, the desire to just stop fighting “the good fight.” I was ready to walk away from it all. No, I wasn’t going to renounce G-d or deny His existence, but I wasn’t about to be at His “beck and call” any more. That whole thing about “testing” and “perseverance” – I was done with that. I wanted to live life on my own terms….determine my own destiny….leave the battle for someone else to fight. I almost laid down on the battlefield and surrendered.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” But I could not walk away from the call on my life, and so I turned back to G-d. His calling for me is sometimes daunting, difficult, fraught with mountains to climb (and I’m not into mountain climbing) and dark valleys to get through. But this time there is a difference. I am not fighting by myself. I do not stand at the head of the army and attempt to single-handedly vanquish the devil. I realized that I would never make it through that way.
Ad-nai your G-d, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt…There you saw how Ad-nai your G-d carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place. Deut. 1:30-31
I stand behind the Almighty, who wields a fiery sword and cuts down every obstacle that stands between me and what he calls me to do. All he asks of me is one thing….follow Him.
Sometimes that is so hard. We are so weak! So easily distracted! So easily discouraged, confused, disheartened. The L-rd has recently given me the word that I am to “Press On” – walk behind Him as he clears the path. I am to look neither to the right nor to the left, but only to focus on Him and where He is leading me. I find myself ducking the fiery darts of the enemy disguised as wounding words of naysayers and “friends.” I often have to battle myself – the flesh that gets weary, the body that wants to give in to anxiety and fear.
But there is no victory in fear. The race is not won by those who stopped in the middle because they felt they couldn’t continue. The safest place in the battle is following right behind the Conquering King.
If you have laid down on the battlefield and surrendered, I challenge you to get back up! Pick up your sword – dive back into the Word to strengthen yourself – and take up your place again. Let G-d clear the path that He has set before you and walk in it!
Neshama Women 